Posts tagged dance

So, I’m just going to preface this video by saying, I know I look like a complete dork in it. The fact is, I woke up today – the morning of my last chemotherapy session – my LAST cycle of Taxol, after almost SIX MONTHS of port infusions that started with Adriamycin and Cytoxan the day before Christmas Eve (my second AC treatment was on my 35th birthday) – feeling like crap. You see, today marks the last of 16 cycles of three drugs that have been interrupted by gallbladder surgery, a serious depression, bronchitis, shingles, and countless other nightmares and disappointments along the way. Today marks the end of weeks of having to get shots in my arm three days in a row. The end of tasting metal in my mouth all day and never being able to do anything on Saturdays because I inexplicably fall asleep for four hours around noon. The end of not being able to travel or get ridiculously inebriated or be around sick children. I should have woken up ecstatic. When I finally got out of bed, I didn’t feel like I was finally on the other side. I felt like I was still in the middle of a long, horrible, unrelenting journey, with even more disappointments ahead of me. I looked in the mirror and saw lashless lids, swollen tear ducts and eyes clogged with gunky sleep goo, three desperate eyebrow hairs clinging to my brow above them, and big sleep-deprived bags beneath them. Someone had just offered me nearly $200000 less than my house is worth – not even enough to cover my mortgage – and I …